It’s the week before Valentine’s Day and I didn’t realize it until a friend told me he was planning out all sorts of romantic things for a new gal he’s excited about.
I mentioned to my friend that as he planned, I had been unaware of the impending day of romantic expression approaching, and he commented how that sucked. We’ve been friends for years and I’m sure he assumed that I’d be my default melancholy self, pining over some lost opportunity.
But when he said it sucks, I realized how much it really, really doesn’t. For once, I am so legitimately focused on myself and doing my own thing that I don’t care that I don’t have a special guy to spend a day with.
It’s the first time in a long time that I’ve been so open and light about being single on the day of amorous pairs. I think it’s because I’ve always been looking for more than just the feeling of admiration from someone else. Maybe, more than anything, I’ve wanted admiration from myself and searched for someone to fill that space. It’s a cliché, but one I’ve never fully grasped until today, when there’s just enough space to see that pattern and be certain I’m tired of the way it looks on me.
Happy Valentine’s prep week, all!
Here’s to hearts flowering, and the sweetness of personal growth!